Find Yourself

Do not let other people influence who you are. Don't talk bad about people because other people do.

Be yourself and make sure no one Influences who you are. It will make finding yourself even harder since people are influencing who you THINK you are.

Forget about what everyone else thinks you should do. The biggest obstacle to finding yourself is feeling like you have to mould yourself to other people's expectations. While you might not want to disappoint the people close to you, remember that if they really care about you, they'll want you to be happy--and who finds happiness as a puppet? As long as you continue to exist to fulfill other people's ideas of who you should be, you'll never know who you want to be. Remember, "He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." -Raymond Hull

Find solitude. Get away from the expectations, the conversations, the noise, the media, and the pressure. Take some time each day to go for a long walk and think. Plant yourself on a park bench with a notebook and write. Take a long, thoughtful road trip. Whatever you do, move away from anything that distracts you from contemplating your life and where you want it to go.

Ask yourself every question in the book, questions that are difficult, that dare to look at the big pictures, such as:

If I had all the resources in the world - if I didn't need to make money - what would I be doing with my day to day life and why? Perhaps you'd be painting, or writing, or farming, or exploring the Amazon rainforest. Don't hold back.

What do I want to look back on my life and say that I never regretted? Would you regret never having traveled abroad? Would you regret never having asked that person out, even if it meant risking rejection? Would you regret not spending enough time with your family when you could? This question can be particularly difficult for some people.

If you had to choose three words to describe the kind of person you'd love to be, what would those words be? Adventurous? Loving? Open? Honest? Hilarious? Optimistic? Realistic? Motivated? Resilient? Don't be afraid to pick up a thesaurus.

Write down your answers. Beyond your time alone, it's easy for these thoughts to slip to the back of your mind and be forgotten. If you have them written down, then every time you reflect, you can review your notes and take it a step further, instead of answering the same questions all over again.

Act upon your new-found self-knowledge. Pick up those watercolors. Write a short story. Plan a trip to Fiji. Have dinner with a family member. Start cracking jokes. Open up. Tell the truth.

Whatever it is that you've decided you want to be or do, start being and doing it now.

Be ready for dead ends. Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. A lot of it is trial and error. That's the price you pay in return for the satisfaction you receive: More often than not, you hit a bump in the road, and sometimes you fall flat on your face. Be prepared to understand and accept that this is a part of the process, and commit to getting right back up and starting over. It's not going to be easy--it never has been for anybody - but if you learn to see that as a chance to prove how much you want to find yourself, then you'll find fulfillment and security in your pursuit.

When you are yourself, then everyone will respect you more and treat you kindly.